Sol Barrera Watters - Web Developer, Language Expert, Artist and more...

In Panama, we teach something called Cívica which basically means teaching values, rules and norms to facilitate living in your society.  Most of us learned to “respect our elders” especially if we were raised by our grandmothers (which is more often than not the case).  We know we have to open doors for them, give them a seat if there is none available and let them go first in the lines at the bank or the grocery store.

But what happens when our parents or grandparents turn 60, 70 or even 80?  What happens when they get sick or fall down and have to recuperate?  From what I’ve seen, those events cause clear turmoil in every family.  Issues of money and hiring nurses or maids arise, fights break out if brothers and sisters do not agree on what to do or how to care for their parents but more importantly, once the crisis has been taken care of, everyone goes back to their jobs and their families (meaning, wives, husbands and children).

There are a few things that we have to understand

•  Even if we have full lives and busy jobs, eventually our parents/grandparents will need special care and we have the responsibility to take care of them (like they took care of us because we were children and could not do it ourselves).
  
•  Being old does not mean your life is over; quality of life is improved if the elderly have interests and hobbies.  This might mean you have to spend some of YOUR time making sure they can do these activities.
  
• You need to have patience.  The elderly need to do as many things on their own as possible.  They are slower at them, but they need to do it.  Shopping will take 2 hours instead of 30 minutes, but they have a say on what they buy at the store, they know the new products and try them out and more importantly, they are “moving”.
  
• Dignity is important.  Some homes for the elderly here in Panama have male nurses / orderlies.  Aging ladies do not like for a man to change their diapers, much less to give them baths.  Certainly a male nurse is stronger, but being old does not mean you lose your rights as a person.
  
• Surveillance of staff is a must.  Even if your nurse or maid are great the first few weeks / months there is a truth to the saying “familiarity breeds contempt”.  Elderly people tend to be harsh because they are frustrated by how helpless their situation feels.  Very often I’ve seen maids and even nurses start to treat back harshly and it escalates.  Screaming, pushing and  shoving can take place.  Sometimes video equipment might be a good idea.
  
• Do not assume that because you are paying a “Home for the Elderly” that your relative will be properly taken care of, and do not assume every complaint by your relative is because they are “senile”.
  
• Special care must be learned for bedridden folks so that they do not atrophy or suffer from sores on their bodies.

When in doubt, think about how YOU would like to be treated if you were in the same situation, if you could not move on your own or bathe or even go to the bathroom alone.

Caring for elderly or bedridden people, whether they are your relatives, friends or just simply someone you meet in the hospital is not easy.  It takes patience, understanding and a lot of work and unfortunately most of the time all of your deeds will NOT be rewarded or even appreciated.

I believe elder care should be taught not only at school, but should be mandatory.  That way the people around us will live happier, healthier lives and so will we.